Does my bum look big in this…?
‘No’. The answer is always ‘No’! You see there are times in every woman’s life when honesty is not the best policy, and those little white lies are undoubtedly preferable to the truth. It’s moments like these that bring in the age-old question, what do women really want? And unfortunately, it’s often the most romantic of gestures – made with the very-best of intentions – where we begin to believe that when it comes to the big ol’ L-O-V-E, men really are from Mars and we’re absolutely on Venus.
Now, there are times when, (shhh, it’s a secret!) we ladies actually have no idea what we really want… We don’t know if we want you to ask us for our number, or whether we want you to think you’re punching above your weight. And yes, in all honesty, we’ll probably be offended either way. We don’t know if we want the green salad or the chips as our side order – especially when ‘a moment on the lips, forever on the hips’ inevitably starts running through our brains. Frankly, every morning is a living nightmare as we contemplate our mortal enemy…the wardrobe.
But when it comes to a romantic gesture, we’re pretty cutthroat about the DOs and DON’Ts. So for any men out there frantically questioning the seemingly fickle mind of the female species, here at Romance HQ we’ve come up with ten golden rules to keep those oh-so-poignant moments oh-so-special for all the right reasons. Because, trust us, we might be indecisive about the little things – but when it involves matters of the heart, we know EXACTLY what we want.
- Don’t pick up that scraggly looking bunch of flowers from the petrol station on the way home – not only is any floral perfume eliminated by genuinely toxic fumes, no woman wants to feel like an afterthought.
- Kitchen utensils are not presents. That is all.
- Surprise mini-breaks. Romantic in principle, yet loses all sense of the word when your ‘lucky’ lady is left without any beauty products…or even fresh underwear. ‘Forward, backward, inside-out’ is not a rule we apply to knickers.
- NEVER give your girlfriend a copy of the Kama Sutra with a personal note to your ex-girlfriend already written on the first page. (Yes, this actually happened to one of our editors).
- Offering to make dinner if we do the washing-up…it’s not quite so thoughtful when you use every single pot and pan available.
- A Spa Day gift? Yes please. With your mother? No thank you.
- A trip to Paris is possibly the ultimate romantic getaway. Leave it there. Don’t buy tickets for the football match that ‘just so happens’ to be on at the same time.
- If you tattoo our initials onto your backside we probably WILL leave you. Just a warning.
- Please don’t think that dressing up your manhood is a turn-on, it’s not. Really, really not.
- The ‘could haves’ and ‘would haves’. Telling us about the amazingly romantic theatre trip you contemplated is absolutely NOT the same as actually buying the tickets. We’d rather not know what we ‘could have’ done.
So, as the festive season approaches faster than Santa on his reindeer-driven sleigh, don’t be fooled when we say ‘all I want for Christmas is you!’ It’s a lie. But at least you now know what not to do…