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Have you met Jessie Loe? She’s the Executive PA to the Chatsfield Hotel – the exciting virtual storyworld from Mills & Boon.
Commitment-phobe, yet serial dater, Jessie has been challenged by her best friend to remain single for three months. If she succeeds she’ll be treated to a trip to Las Vegas. How hard can it be?
Jessie’s rarely short of offers for dates but she just can’t seem to settle down. Too short, too thin, too rich, too poor…there’s always something not right with the men in her life. Does this sound like you? Dani Waller, dating expert for top dating site Cupid.com, has some words of advice on how to settle down, without settling…
I have heard it many times in my years of hosting singles events: “I’m really really picky”. Let’s get something straight – it’s ok to be a bit picky. We all have dating deal breakers (mine is no vegetarians) and understanding ‘must have’ qualities in a partner will actually help you have better long term relationships. It’s natural to want someone who is loyal, trustworthy and so on but it’s important to not sweat the small things. When your list becomes an essay on height, kind of job, style of clothes, hair colour, accent, ear size and 809 other very specific qualities, it’s time to have a reality check.
Does it really matter that he wears an ugly cardigan? Is it impossible to date someone who occasionally incorrectly texts ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’. No. Relationships aren’t like in the movies, so don’t expect perfection. We are all human and you probably do things which drive him mad too.
So what to do if you always find something wrong with the guys you date?
Ditch your ‘type’
If you find yourself saying “he’s not my type” a lot it’s time to mix things up. Does anyone really know their ‘type’? And sorry to break it to you, does this carbon copy exist? Experiment dating guys with different qualities, you may be surprised to find that your ‘type’ isn’t your ‘type’ after all.
Say yes more (in an enthusiastic fashion)
Say yes to that first date you are unsure about. And unless it was truly awful, say yes to a second date. If you reject someone without giving them a chance you will never know what you could have been. Not everyone experiences love at first sight so be prepared that a date could grow on you. Yes physical attraction is important, but it’s not everything. When you’re 80 and can tuck your boobs into your trousers, would you rather be with the guy who makes you wee a little bit from laughter or the guy who once had abs of steel?
Widen the net
If you always hang out with the same people at the same places, you will likely meet the same type of person. Again and again and again. Like everything in life, if you keep doing it the same way you have always done it, you will get the same results. Sure, after work drinks on a Friday night is easier than going to a house warming party where you only know 1 other person. But, stepping out of your comfort zone is a guaranteed way to meet new people. One of whom might just be spot on.
Get all Freud on yourself
Have a think about why you are so… selective. Sometimes being ridiculously picky and pushing people away is a defence mechanism. If you always find something wrong with the guy you are dating, then you will never have to face being in a serious relationship that might end with you getting hurt. Timing is everything and if you are not ready to be in a relationship that’s totally fine. Take a step back and enjoy being single. When you are ready to date, let the barriers down and just give people a chance. I know this is easier said than done. But if you are aware of why you behave the way you do, it can really help to actively change the bad dating habits you repeat over and over again. All together now – deep breaths, deep breaths.
Dani
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Will Jessie Loe keep to her challenge to stay single for three months? Keep up with Jessie’s antics by subscribing to her Youtube channel and watching her progress!